Adults only. No hard feelings, plenty of hard truths.

Tell them what
everyone is too polite to say

Pick the target. Pick the charges. Send it. Two minutes from now it is sitting in their inbox, in writing, from an address of your choosing.

ireallyhateyou@yourhatepage.com
No account to preview No editor, no faff Pay only when you send
EXPOSED: Jordan

Live demo. Click the tabs to change the style and colour.

// The method

Four taps to
total humiliation

No editor. Nothing to design. You are picking from a menu of things they already do.

01

Name the target

Type their first name. Every roast you pick gets it dropped in automatically.

Ten seconds
02

Pick the look

Six colours, four styles. Tabloid splash, legal summons, itemised receipt, or a certificate.

No design skills
03

Pick the charges

Tap what fits from a library of pre-written lines. Or hit Surprise Me and let us choose.

70+ lines ready
04

Send it

Choose your sender address, add up to 3 recipients, pay, and it lands.

Instant delivery
Exhibit A · The four styles
01

Tabloid

Front page splash. Enormous headline, numbered and public.

02

Legal summons

Cold, formal, itemised charges. Reads like it came from a lawyer.

03

The bill

Every offence priced up, line by line, with a total they cannot pay.

04

Certificate

An award nobody wanted. Suitable for framing, ideally at their desk.

05

Report card

Graded, subject by subject. Every grade is an F.

06

Ransom note

Cut-out letters. Looks like it was assembled at 3am, because it was.

07

Diagnosis

A clinical assessment of what exactly is wrong with them.

// The arsenal

We already wrote
the worst of it

Eleven categories of specific, personal grievance, written to land. Tap the ones that fit. Add your own if you want to draw blood.

Who you are

The whole problem, itemised.

You are stupid. Properly, genuinely stupid, and the worst part is you have no fucking idea.

+ 9 more in this category

How you text

Genuinely infuriating.

You leave people on read for four days then open with "heyy" like you have not been a complete prick about it.

+ 8 more in this category

Wasting people's time

Hours of other people's lives, gone.

"Five minutes", from your bed, every time. That is not lateness. That is you telling everybody their time is worth nothing.

+ 6 more in this category

Behind the wheel

A danger to actual people.

You park like a prick and you made your peace with that years ago.

+ 6 more in this category

The mirror

The confidence is the offensive part.

Forty photos of yourself and you post the one where everybody else looks worst. It gets noticed. It always gets noticed.

+ 6 more in this category

Money

A parasite with a bank app.

Your phone rings the second the bill lands. Every single time. It is a reflex now and it is pathetic.

+ 6 more in this category

At work

Everyone is carrying you.

What you get paid is a joke, because you do not do a single fucking thing all day.

+ 8 more in this category

Living with you

Grim.

One millilitre of juice left in the carton, back in the fridge, like that is a personality.

+ 7 more in this category

Your taste

Revoke the aux. Permanently.

You should be barred from the aux and every person in this room would testify to it.

+ 6 more in this category

The gym

All mouth.

You talk about the gym roughly nine times more than you attend the gym.

+ 6 more in this category

Your cooking

An act of hostility.

You season food like you are being billed per fucking grain.

+ 6 more in this category

What you did

The thing you thought you got away with.

You lied to somebody who would have forgiven the truth, and you did it because lying was easier for you.

+ 9 more in this category

As a friend

Genuinely terrible at it.

You are not a friend. You are somebody who turns up when there is nothing better on.

+ 8 more in this category

As a boss

The reason people leave.

What you get paid is an absolute joke, because you do not do one single fucking thing.

+ 10 more in this category

// Witness statements

What the survivors said

Friends, siblings and coworkers, put in writing. Most of them are still speaking.

"Sent it to my brother about his parking. He did not speak to me for a week. Worth it."

Mia R.

Verified Roast Master

"We itemised our boss on his last day. People were still quoting it at Christmas."

Daniel K.

Verified Roast Master

"Ninety seconds. My housemate is still trying to work out who set it up."

Marcus T.

Verified Roast Master

"The certificate is brutal. My sister put hers on the fridge out of spite."

Priya S.

Verified Roast Master

"I did not have to think of a single insult. They were all already there and all of them landed."

Jordan B.

Verified Roast Master

"Sent one to the group. Three of them bought one back within the hour."

Kenji N.

Verified Roast Master

"Picked five lines about his cooking. He has not cooked for anyone since."

Hannah W.

Verified Roast Master

"You see exactly what lands in their inbox before you pay. That is what sold it."

Aisha M.

Verified Roast Master

"Choosing the address is the best part. Mine came from everyone.hates.you."

Chloe F.

Verified Roast Master

"I am not a funny person. This made me look vicious. That is the whole review."

Yuki H.

Verified Roast Master

"No signup, no account, no faff. Picked it, previewed it, paid, done."

Natalie B.

Verified Roast Master

"The tabloid one in red is genuinely well made. Almost a shame to use it for this."

Sam O.

Verified Roast Master

"Sent to all three siblings at once. The group chat has not recovered and I do not care."

Leila A.

Verified Roast Master

"My partner said it was the funniest thing anyone has ever done to them."

Connor M.

Verified Roast Master

"Added two of my own lines about an inside joke. That was the bit that actually hurt."

Gabriela L.

Verified Roast Master

"Surprise Me picked harder lines than I would have dared. Slightly insulting, honestly."

Amara J.

Verified Roast Master

"Third time using it. It is my go-to birthday move now."

Lucas V.

Verified Roast Master

"The receipt with the running total is the single funniest thing I have seen all year."

Camila R.

Verified Roast Master

"No ads, no upsells, no account. Just the email. Thank you."

Adrian C.

Verified Roast Master

"Sent it to my brother about his parking. He did not speak to me for a week. Worth it."

Mia R.

Verified Roast Master

"We itemised our boss on his last day. People were still quoting it at Christmas."

Daniel K.

Verified Roast Master

"Ninety seconds. My housemate is still trying to work out who set it up."

Marcus T.

Verified Roast Master

"The certificate is brutal. My sister put hers on the fridge out of spite."

Priya S.

Verified Roast Master

"I did not have to think of a single insult. They were all already there and all of them landed."

Jordan B.

Verified Roast Master

"Sent one to the group. Three of them bought one back within the hour."

Kenji N.

Verified Roast Master

"Picked five lines about his cooking. He has not cooked for anyone since."

Hannah W.

Verified Roast Master

"You see exactly what lands in their inbox before you pay. That is what sold it."

Aisha M.

Verified Roast Master

"Choosing the address is the best part. Mine came from everyone.hates.you."

Chloe F.

Verified Roast Master

"I am not a funny person. This made me look vicious. That is the whole review."

Yuki H.

Verified Roast Master

"No signup, no account, no faff. Picked it, previewed it, paid, done."

Natalie B.

Verified Roast Master

"The tabloid one in red is genuinely well made. Almost a shame to use it for this."

Sam O.

Verified Roast Master

"Sent to all three siblings at once. The group chat has not recovered and I do not care."

Leila A.

Verified Roast Master

"My partner said it was the funniest thing anyone has ever done to them."

Connor M.

Verified Roast Master

"Added two of my own lines about an inside joke. That was the bit that actually hurt."

Gabriela L.

Verified Roast Master

"Surprise Me picked harder lines than I would have dared. Slightly insulting, honestly."

Amara J.

Verified Roast Master

"Third time using it. It is my go-to birthday move now."

Lucas V.

Verified Roast Master

"The receipt with the running total is the single funniest thing I have seen all year."

Camila R.

Verified Roast Master

"No ads, no upsells, no account. Just the email. Thank you."

Adrian C.

Verified Roast Master

// The damage

Cheaper than therapy

Building it and previewing it costs nothing. You only pay to pull the trigger.

One payment
$4.99

Per send · No subscription

  • Every style and every colour
  • The full roast library, plus your own lines
  • Your choice of sender address
  • Up to 3 recipients per send
  • Live preview before you pay
  • Delivery confirmation by email

We cap every address at 2 emails for life and put a one-click opt-out in every message. This is a joke for people who will laugh, not a way to bother strangers.

Someone had it coming.

"Thousands have already pressed send. It took them two minutes."